Day 9: Look Him in the Eye and No Higher…

I don’t like mirrors. Especially, full length mirrors. I have one in my house, but it’s covered up in a corner of my bedroom.

Call it a side effect of having low self-esteem for most of my life.

One of my long term goals this year is to get past this. I know it’s gonna be hard. I’ve tried before and couldn’t handle it.

I want to like how I look. I want to look at myself in that big mirror and not want to break the thing.

It’s quite hard since I don’t exercise if I can avoid it and I don’t drink enough water. I can try to make myself drink more, but it’s much harder during my regular work day.

I hate exercise. It starts off okay but then I get sore and I want nothing to do with it again

This is awful and unacceptable. Time to do better.

What this boils down to is that I must make some positive changes to my lifestyle. The problem is that I’m not sure how.

I know motivation is my issue, but it’s nearly impossible to motivate myself for any meaningful amount of time. Depression and all, you know.

I also know that it seems like I’m using my mental illness as an excuse. It’s hard to try and be healthier when your brain is telling you that it’s a waste of time and everyone dies in the end anyway…

Self-improvement is harder when your brain is set up against you. I can take my meds and talk to my therapist exactly as I should, but I’ll still defeat myself.

I’m open to suggestions from other folks here. Whatever is working for you. Exercise challenges. Water drinking challenges. Anything motivational that I can look at anytime I feel like I’m getting nowhere. I’ve looked up a few and will let you guys know how things are going as I progress.