Day 46: Rinse and Repeat

I took a mental health day today.

There isn’t anything wrong with that. People need to take breaks when their body tells them its time. However, I told the ladies at work that my son was sick and I was taking care of him.

I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t want to be judged either. I feel like most of my co-workers would have understood, but they would start asking questions that I don’t think I’m ready to share the answers to. The stigma is real, even if it is unintentional.

I really have been having better days. My emotional landscape has been a healthier place to be compared to how it was a few years ago. I’m definitely happier. At the same time, I can recognize when something shifts. I can feel myself start falling down the despair hole. For the most part, I’ve learned to fight back but my resolve is being depleted faster in these trying times. It’s harder to fight for so long.

My husband reminded me that I should be writing things down that bother me as they happen. That way I can “vent some pressure” so to speak instead of letting things build up until I collapse. It’s a good coping strategy for me that has helped in the past. In my quest to be more positive, I forgot that avoiding my actual feelings is unhealthy.

It happens. You fall off the horse. Are you gonna lie in the mud or stand up again?