I’ve been parenting for a number of years now, both children that may or may not have been birthed by me. It’s a trip. All the time. Every day. It’s most noticeable when the kids are little, but there are some nutty times when adolescence hits. Here are a few things I’ve learned.
- Childbirth is messy, painful, and will remove any shred of modesty a woman has left. If you opt for a hospital birth, there will be doctors and nurses you’ve probably never met asking to shove a couple fingers inside you to “check your cervix”. I hope you like having your legs in the air and your undercarriage on display for whomever comes in. That is totally within the realm of possibility.
- There’s a very good chance that you will sleep in the same bed as your kid for a number of nights. Experts warn against this, but you will eventually fall into the “I need to sleep and I’d rather not get up to feed you/Are you still breathing/Something is in my closet” trap. Just make sure to get good mattresses all around.
- You are going to say things that you wouldn’t even imagine yourself seriously saying to another human being. Some examples are: “Don’t lick your brother’s feet.”, “What are you doing in that toilet?”, “Get down off the hood of that car right now!” and “We do not lay down in the street. It isn’t safe.”
- If you find yourself singing the theme song to your kids’ favorite show when they aren’t around, you aren’t alone. It may get so ingrained in you that one can’t help but to get funky every now and again. Little Einsteins and The Backyardigans had some great music. I still get excited when that “Yeti Stomp” song comes on. I bet there isn’t anyone that can listen to that song and not dance at least a little.
- At some point, you are going to start sounding like your own parents. It won’t be intentional. You’ll be talking to the kid and suddenly something slips out that you can vividly recall your mother saying to you twenty years ago. Hell, you may even have the same cadence when you say it. Don’t stress out. It happens to the best of us.
- You have to let your kid make mistakes and teach them how to handle the consequences. I see too many little ones who have no concept of accepting blame or responsibility. Throwing tantrums to get your way gets hella old. Don’t subject your child’s third grade teacher to that. They have more important things to do like educating you child.
This is just a handful of the things I could think of. Child rearing is a big job and someone has to do it. It’s really easy to lose your sanity in the process if you aren’t careful. Remember to laugh and not take yourself too seriously.
