Day 153: Trash

I’m awake far too early, I can’t fall asleep again and my head hurts from crying.

I had a bad dream because my mental state is trash. Now, I’m stuck trying to process emotions that I thought I was done with. I wanted to be done with them, but they aren’t done with me, obviously.

I wanted to talk to Wolf about it but he was headed to work. Its bad enough he’ll be gone all day. I hate throwing all my emotional baggage at him again before he goes. He says he doesn’t mind but I know it bothers him, at least a little. I know because we’ve talked about how he worries about me being at home without him before; when things are looking bad for me.

Honestly, I feel like I set myself up for failure this time. There were things on my mind that needed to be addressed and I continued to ignore them. I should have put all that nonsense out of my head. I know better.

Just goes to show that there isn’t ever an escape. You can be as positive as you want during the day, consciously. Night time is a different story. Your guard lowers while you sleep and all manner of nastiness can fly under the radar.

I’m shaken and sad now. I don’t know how the rest of the day will go. Maybe I can get away with hiding today.