I have been thinking about my productivity quite a bit. I feel like I should be doing more.
My students should be learning more.
I should be working harder in school.
My house should be cleaner.
My family could be happier.
At the same time, I know I’m doing all I can right now. I feel like I have two jobs on permanent rotation. One I get paid for and one I don’t. Working in special education drains you in a way that I believe no one could prepare you for. Although, when I need a break from my work kids, I can take it if I really need to.
Once I clock out in the afternoon, I have to get my mind ready for my second shift. My family needs me to have my senses about me. I can’t get a sick day from them. I can’t claim that I need a mental health day.
Even though I so desperately need it at times.
Being in college is still a trip. Deadlines are deadlines and things need to get done. I can’t half-ass anything either. You will get called out on it. It can be overwhelming, even if you don’t have other obligations to deal with.
It never feels like enough. I run myself ragged and it isn’t enough.
No wonder people flip out and go on shooting sprees. People are tired, weary in spirit, and have no real outlet.
Am I going to flip out and have a serious episode? Probably not. I have a son to get through college.
It can be fun to think about.