I have been thinking about my productivity quite a bit. I feel like I should be doing more.
My students should be learning more.
I should be working harder in school.
My house should be cleaner.
My family could be happier.
At the same time, I know I’m doing all I can right now. I feel like I have two jobs on permanent rotation. One I get paid for and one I don’t. Working in special education drains you in a way that I believe no one could prepare you for. Although, when I need a break from my work kids, I can take it if I really need to.
Once I clock out in the afternoon, I have to get my mind ready for my second shift. My family needs me to have my senses about me. I can’t get a sick day from them. I can’t claim that I need a mental health day.
Even though I so desperately need it at times.
Being in college is still a trip. Deadlines are deadlines and things need to get done. I can’t half-ass anything either. You will get called out on it. It can be overwhelming, even if you don’t have other obligations to deal with.
It never feels like enough. I run myself ragged and it isn’t enough.
No wonder people flip out and go on shooting sprees. People are tired, weary in spirit, and have no real outlet.
Myself included.
Am I going to flip out and have a serious episode? Probably not. I have a son to get through college.
Sometimes, though.
Just sometimes….
It can be fun to think about.