Day 385: Grads

This spring, my son will graduate middle school. This summer, I’ll earn a B.A. in sociology.

I’m not nearly as excited as I should be. Both events are huge milestones for us, but I have little idea where to go from here. My son is going to high school, of course. He’s still got time to figure some things out. I, however, need a plan much sooner.

I should do grad school, but it’s very daunting. I’m already intimidated by horror stories from other grad students. Most of those people don’t have as many attachments as I do. No kids, no husbands, not much in the way of full time employment either. They truly have time to devote to grad school. Things aren’t so black and white for me.

I’ve already complained about how nervous I am about my future. I’m not sure where I’m going or what I need to be doing. I’m not even sure about what I love to do. People say that you should figure that out and go from there. Thinking about it makes me feel more lost and confused.

I’m into social justice. I love learning about people and social inequalities. That’s real interesting to me, hence the sociology degree. The sad part is that I need at least a master’s degree to be taken seriously in those fields. My dinky little bachelor’s isn’t good for anything. It’s as if college has been a colossal waste of time…

I’m getting angrier thinking about it. I don’t have another plan other than education. I don’t have another path out of poverty. Working hard isn’t gonna cut it. That’s a joke in this country. I shouldn’t be thinking that my only escape route is useless and that I’ve wasted the better part of the last fifteen or sixteen years.

For the moment, I’m going to ignore those negative thoughts. For right now, I’m going to try and be proud of my accomplishments. I’ll have a bachelor’s degree by the end of the summer. That’s more than a lot of people have managed. I’ll work up to some excitement by then, I’m sure.