Astigmatism; Noun: a defect of an optical system (such as a lens) causing rays from a point to fail to meet in a focal point resulting in a blurred and imperfect image
Stigma; Noun: a mark of shame or discredit
–Merriam-Webster Dictionary
May is Mental Health Awareness month.
Across the globe, people are sharing their stories of hope, pain, struggle, and survival. It has been a beautiful outpouring of love and support for those of us that live with mental illness. I believe that one day, the stigma that hovers over our community like a choking fog will lift and there will be peace and acceptance of us and our disorders. However, before we reach the promised land, there are somethings that need to be addressed.
So, I have a question for you.
If you saw a doctor to get help with some physical condition, let’s say astigmatism, diabetes or high blood pressure, and they prescribe you medication to treat that condition, would you question the doctor’s decision? Would you cast aside professional advice to adhere to your own beliefs? Would you question yourself for even seeking out medical attention?
This is part of that stigma surrounding mental illness that I mentioned earlier. I don’t fully understand why so many folks don’t agree with seeking treatment for their mental illnesses. Let alone the amount of people that flat out refuse to take medication for it. It truly baffles me sometimes.
The stigma plays a big role for some people. I can only speak for the Black community but there are many of us that either don’t believe that mental illnesses are real or don’t take them seriously. Even better than that, there are folks that believe that invisible illnesses don’t affect Black people. The things I’ve heard people say over the years are downright ludicrous.
“Anxiety. That’s white people shit.”
“Depressed. You better depress you ass in that basement and get that laundry going.”
Then, if you manage to seek out treatment, the shame surrounding therapy pops out.
“Why you paying somebody to listen to you cry. I can do that. Pay me.”
Or this one. One of my favorites.
“If you were having problems, why wouldn’t you talk to me about it?”
Well, terribly unsupportive person, based on your prior history of poor attitudes surrounding mental health and treatment thereof, I didn’t want to suffer more abuse than I had to. Thanks so much for asking.
Also, you aren’t a trained mental health professional. You wouldn’t ask your uncle Luke to help you fix your bad knees, would you? Exactly. His knees probably need to be looked at too.
Friends, especially my Black and Brown friends, I’m here to tell you that it’s time to put all that foolishness to bed. There is nothing wrong with admitting you have a problem. Nor is there anything wrong with seeking help. I have been fighting this battle against clinical depression and her bestie, chronic anxiety for the better part of my life and I am here to tell you.
It is so much easier with help.
Not just having a trusted person to vent to. Not just having a personal relationship with the God you serve. Actual, professional clinicians that are specifically trained to help you get through your rough patches in life. If you have that person that you can talk to, that’s wonderful and I’m happy for you. However, you need a pro to help you unpack your shit.
While I’m on the subject of help, I want to discuss medicinal options. Here comes the taboo police again.
“Why you taking that? Ain’t nothing wrong with you that some prayer won’t fix.”
“Just get up and smile. That’ll make it better.”
“You don’t need them chemicals in your body.”
First of all, I don’t want to hear about what chemicals I put into my body when you’ve been self-medicating with booze and lord knows what else your entire life. At least, my decisions are based on medical advice and not what’s on sale at the liquor store that day. Most mental illnesses have to do with chemical imbalances in the brain. So, it turns out that I do need those particular chemicals in my body. Imagine that!
Secondly, if I could just get up, straighten up my shoulders and smile my way to happiness, we probably wouldn’t be having this discussion. It wouldn’t be a thing, you know. We could all just wash up and everything would be daffodils and sunflowers. No more mental illness. Problem solved. Call up the Pulitzer committee, we got a contender on our hands.
Speaking of prayer, I do believe of the power of stating what you want and need. As a Christian, I believe that prayer is powerful, and that God can handle anything you lay at his feet. At the same time, they say that faith without works is dead. To me, that means that you might come down with an affliction, but God may not just take that affliction away, easy as you please. I believe that God grants people specific talents to help His people to thrive as much as possible. Scientists and medical professionals are people that can help relieve people’s afflictions. You can pray to God for healing, but don’t turn up your nose when the God sends a healer to help.
Sometimes, those healers offer prescriptions. Medications designed to address the chemical imbalances that make your brain hate itself or worry itself off a cliff. I believe that medications to treat mental illnesses are a Godsend in this world. I know people aren’t comfortable sometimes but I, once again, offer myself as tribute. I’ve had experiences with several of the heavy hitters in the anti-depressant world and I can tell you about my experiences with them. Be sure to tune in next week for that episode.
The point is, Life is hard. You don’t have to suffer through it alone. You don’t have to hurt your way to the grave. This hurtful life can be filled with all the love, light, laughter and happiness you hear about from others. The things that your brain convinces you that you aren’t worthy of, that you aren’t capable of having.
It’s more that possible, friend. It’s absolutely attainable.
It’s okay to ask for the support you need to get through life. No shame whatsoever. Do what you need to do for you. Cause you’re worth it.
In case no one has told you today that they love you, I love you. And I mean that shit.
We got this, friend!
I remember telling my Mama something was wrong with me. I just wasn’t feeling like myself. She told me to go pray about it and go outside to play. I was depressed and told that I was by my doctor. There are times that I questioned my doctor on things because I needed to know. Don’t speak in doctor terms, speak my way. Break it down for me lol Great blog!
Thanks! It felt good to write.
More people need to see this…depression and anxiety are real, people need to learn to take them more seriously. Loved this!
I agree people need to see it. It’s an important message! Sent people over to check it out! 🤪😁
It’s such a shame that there’s still stigma and misunderstanding regarding mental health and mental illness. Thank you for helping to raise awareness and show that it’s okay to not be okay x
That’s my whole mission!
My Middle Eastern family is ALL about the “that’s white people shit” so this deeply resonates with me! I continue to be open about my anxiety and therapy (much to my mother’s horror haha) to help end the stigma. I’m a community college professor so I try to be open about it when appropriate with my students too because a lot of them come from families that don’t talk about getting help either. Thanks for this post!
Thank you for using your experiences to help your students. We have to model the behavior we want to see!
As a person of color, the points you brought up mean so much to me. i really hope we can overcome the stigmas in ethnic communities and get people the help they need!
We all have to do our part!
Love this. Mental health needs to be focused on more and talked about more in order to normalize it. Great post.
Thanks for reading!!
Hi Tangela. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you. I particularly liked some of the comments from the ‘taboo police’ – both funny and sad at the same time. I think that education can play a big part in making things better because most of the people making these comments aren’t doing it to deliberately hurt you, they’re doing it because they don’t know any better. I speak from experience on this point – when somebody I care about told me that her mother suffered from depression I said, in all innocence, ‘What is she depressed about?’. I didn’t realise, until that point, that it wasn’t as simple as that …
People can be very hurtful unintentionally. Talking about our struggles can get people to learn more if it was for someone they cared for. Thanks for reading!
I finally managed to get into therapy at the beginning of the year, and honestly it changed my life. It wasn’t just speaking to someone completely disconnected from my life (although that helped massively) but it was the coping mechanisms and healthy behaviours they encouraged that helped.
If my doctor would prescribe me something, I’d take it. But they’re wary because of the myriad of other pills I’m on for my chronic illnesses.
Cora | https://www.teapartyprincess.co.uk/
I’m so glad therapy is going well for you! Everyone needs a little help from time to time. This Saturdays post is about medication story, so don’t miss that!
People need to know this. I had a few chuckles too. Thank you
Spread the word!
I honestly can’t stand persons who are like that, so unsupportive, it just makes you never want to talk about it again. As a person of colour, you hit the mark with those examples. I wish the stigma of mental illness will be gone soon and persons can get the help they need without being question. Great post!
TheQuietGirl
http://www.quietgirlblog.com
Thank you for reading!
This post is so important! Taking care of your mental health should be the same as your physical health xx
Absolutely!
This is beautifully written. More people need to hear and understand that mental health issues are real, and that seeking professional treatment is nothing to be ashamed of. I think things are slowly getting better, but we still have a long way to go.
The road is long but we are capable! Thanks for reading.
There definitely isn’t anything wrong with admitting you need help with your mental health. A lot of my friends seem to share their struggles with me, I guess because I’ve always been open about my mental and physical health issues, and my past in general, it makes people feel ok to do the same. Destigmatise being open about needing help by leading by example, is all I can suggest
Every little bit helps. Thanks for being there for your friends.
Tangela, this was beautifully written, I feel like I need more! The stigma around mental health is terrible, I have experienced it myself. If we do not talk about it more, then it will never change. Thank you for sharing this post x
Thanks for reading! More is coming in a couple of days!
Yeeess! 👏🏾 More people need to read this. Thanks for sharing Xx.
The stigma around mental illness is harmful. I was depressed and suffered from clinical anxiety from a young age but came from a family and country (Kenya) that has great stigma around mental illness.
I’m pursuing Psychology to the help the mental state of the country and rid of the stigma.
Thank for all you are doing!
Me and my mom always have to explain things to my grandparents when it comes to mental illness. They don’t always understand especially when my mom, who’s diagnosed with general anxiety, just can’t talk on the phone because she’s having a bad anxiety day. I always support talking to a professional whether you’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness or not. I hope that this stigma about mental illness will soon be demolished.
Just keep having the conversations. People eventually come around in most cases. Thanks for reading!
Such a lovely post! Thank you for writing this! And I agree life is hard, but we don’t have to be alone in this fight.
This was such a beautifully written post. As someone who struggles with physical and mental health I can understand relate to a lot of this.
Thanks for reading!
Very well written! “His knees probably need to be looked at too,” made me laugh out loud! Thank you so much for fighting this fight to bust stigma! We deserve to be treated the same as any other person with a physical illness. 💜💜