I love sour stuff. Lemon and sour apple are my favorite flavors. The tingle on the tongue that puckers your lips and gets the salivation glands going. That’s fun for me.
Unfortunately, some people tend to always have their lips stuck out. People will always find a reason to be upset. They are all pursed lips and wagging fingers, telling folks how to live their lives. That’s ugly.
On the flip side, some folks will have pouty faces and keep it to themselves. If you find them in the wild, they will most likely be away from other people. They may shoot off a disapproving glance now and then, but they generally don’t want to be bothered with whatever nonsense is going on around them.
People call them haters, chewing on sour grapes. Sour apple, bitter bitches. I know them well.
As a general adult me rule, I stay away from most heavily attended social events. Weddings, funerals, baby showers, gender reveals, and the like are a no from me, dawg. There are too many people most of the time. The people there are kind of annoying in my experience, and I don’t have the emotional strength to pretend to be a neurotypical person for that long. Someone will catch me sulking in a corner with a bad attitude, and then I have to make conversation about why I’m not interested in what’s going on.
No, thank you, sir/ma’am.
If you invite me, I’ll send a gift and my best wishes but don’t expect to see my face at the event. That has been working out fine in these pandemical days, but the world is slowly trying to resume business as usual. So I will continue to bow out respectfully.
When I was 18, my family got invited to a baby shower for a cousin of mine. I didn’t want to go, but I went with my mother anyway. As you might expect, there were a lot of other mothers there. There was much talk about pregnancy, birth stories, parenting advice, and well wishes for the mom-to-be—all fine and well and good.
I stayed as far away from the crowd as possibly could. The overwhelming happiness in the room was smothering me. I didn’t know why at the time, but I really had an issue with being around happy people. I hated seeing happy couples mooning over each other. The sight of children playing annoyed me. They full-on made me mad. Like, actually angry over kids playing tag in a field. Anyone having a good time made me want to exit, stage left. I couldn’t understand it, but I do now.
Bitterness and anger go hand in hand. These are both trauma responses. Instead of becoming fearful in your anxiety, some people go the other direction and use their hurts as a shield to keep others away. This can also look like a person lashing out if someone gets too close to their bubble, possibly seeking revenge.
There is a myriad of reasons for people becoming bitter. A person could start off afraid and grow their bitterness and resentment over time. Take, for example, a child who a dog bit. The incident was terrifying for that kid. The dog’s barking and sharp teeth are forever emblazoned on that child’s memory. The thought is unwelcome and unpleasant. As a result, they develop a specific and intense fear of dogs.
As that child gets older, that fear burns out and becomes dislike or even hatred. The sound of barking dogs doesn’t make them flinch anymore. Now a deep frown or a swear word is the response. Seeing people fawn over their pets makes our traumatized grown-up recoil in disgust. They may even kick a puppy if given a chance.
An extreme example, but you get what I mean.
Time to Move On
It takes a lot of self-reflection to get past bitterness and resentment. I know because I’ve done the work.
It took a lot of therapy until I reached a healing place in my life. I’m glad I’ve arrived here because the world, shitty as it is, looks a whole lot better.
One thing that helped was to think about the root cause of my anger and resentment. This self-reflection is no easy task, and it took me years to land on something I could work with. However, I never would have gotten there if I hadn’t taken those first steps. Doing some stream of consciousness journaling could reveal some things that you would have never discovered if you thought too hard about them.
I would also suggest having a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Some of those hurts run deep, and it can be tricky to navigate those mental minefields. Finding a local support group can be beneficial too. Online support groups can also be helpful if you aren’t ready for in-person gatherings yet. It can also take some time to find a professional you can trust, but the work is worth it in the end.
Forgive, not Forget
The best and most challenging part is forgiveness. Being able to let go and forgive those who may have wronged you is hugely therapeutic. It does not mean forgetting, but it does mean that you are ready to move on with your life. Dwelling on harmful events and situations is disastrous for one’s mental health. It can increase levels of depression and anxiety, in addition to increasing the odds of having a stress-related medical emergency. No one wants a heart attack because you can’t forgive your ex.
Additionally, remember to forgive yourself for ruminating for so long. It happens to all of us. You aren’t a failure or an idiot. Your reaction to a situation does not mean you are not capable or valuable as a person. You can be brave and acknowledge your feelings. Once you let your feelings be felt, it’s easier to let them go in peace.
Forgiveness can bring about an overwhelming sense of peace. You feel calm and centered again. Once you decide to take back your control over a situation, it can be liberating. Something terrible may have happened in your past, but it is still your past. Time has moved forward, and so can you.
You can move on. I know you can. You can live for yourself and be a happier person.
You can do this!
Take care! I love you! Be safe!