You Can’t Quit, We Need You!

Trigger warning: This post talks about suicidal ideation and thoughts about death. Govern yourself accordingly.

I’ve noticed something disturbing about myself. I’m sure this has happened to others.

When people have to go to work physically, there is a chance for folks to separate the two worlds. You could leave the office at the office and worry about your home life at home. The stress could potentially be divided between the two places. However, with more people starting to work from home, people can’t leave their job at the job.

Myself, for example, I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to work from home. I have a problem with constantly stressing about everything, but I could kind of put my home problems out of my head for a while when I was a work. So when I worked from home, that line of demarcation was gone.

I include schoolwork in this too. I used to get to work early and work on some assignments there. Usually, I didn’t have the energy to work on things after work. Once I got home, I didn’t want to exert so much mental power.

No Rest for the Weary

When I’m working from home, it’s all anxiety all the time. Productivity is always on my mind. I stress about work decisions and schoolwork all the time, not to mention home stress. Let’s just say that I argue with my husband before work. I’m in a funky mood, right. Before, I could fume and clear my head during my commute. Get my mind right for talking to the kids. When I’m at home, I have ten minutes between clock in and showtime. Not long enough to decompress at all.

I’m not saying I was in a hurry to get back to class. On the contrary, I want to work as safely as possible. It’s just that people like me that can’t “turn it off” are really burned out. Plus, this new school year feels so much different from years in the past. We are currently three weeks into the year and the stress level feels like a typical late April/early May. The teachers are overwhelmed, and a lot of the kids are over it already. Plus, the ever-present threat of being sent back into quarantine because of the new COVID variants. None of the students in my building are old enough to get vaccinated. We won’t quarantine as a district, but several classrooms have been sent back to virtual learning due to illness.

Over summer break, I felt so much better. I didn’t have deadlines breathing down my neck. I didn’t have work expectations to meet. It was amazing how different I felt. Now, that summer break is over, the stressors are back, and I can feel my nerves starting to fray again. That’s no good.

Other people must be feeling the same.

It’s Too Much

There’s a lot of strain on people in society. You need only watch the news to confirm that. There are more and more cases of people doing weird stuff. Oddly violent crimes are top news stories. People aren’t very kind to each other. We aren’t even kind to ourselves.

Everything feels like too much, and people are at the end of their ropes.

Not long ago, someone reached out to me on Instagram. They wanted to talk about their struggles with SI (suicidal ideation) and chronic depression. Suicidal ideation relates to thought and ideas about death by suicide. It can happen regularly in people that struggle with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders. Having SI doesn’t necessarily mean that you are ready to do something drastic, but it signifies that something bigger might be going on.

We chatted for a bit. I recognized some of the thoughts I used to have and offered my limited advice. I gave them an ear and compassion when they needed it most. They were thankful and just needed some support at the time. Mine seemed to be good enough at that moment.

I’m aware that there are a variety of societal reasons that have driven people to this sad decision. Poverty, oppression, natural disasters, and illness are just a few. However, no one deserves to feel hopeless and alone.

One of the things I’ve learned is to keep hope in your heart. Hope about anything—promotions, grades, relationships, finances, vacations, and experiences, to name a few. Then, you can hope for the next hour to go smoothly if it gives you something to hold on to, something to keep going for. Then it’s enough.

Help is Available

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month in the United States. People are having discussions about deaths by suicide and how the survivors are affected. I’m all about removing stigmas and taboos around complex subjects, and this one has been heavy on my spirit as of late. It is imperative that we, as a people, care enough about each other to check-in, to speak up if we notice a difference in someone close to us. Supporting each other during our darkest hours is all we can do at times.   

I’m aware that there are a variety of societal reasons that have driven people to this sad decision. Poverty, oppression, natural disasters, and illness are just a few. However, no one deserves to feel hopeless and alone.

I want to say that I’m always willing to listen if someone needs to vent. I mean, actively listen. I’ve been there before and I am more than happy to genuinely try to understand their struggle and help discover possible ways to move forward. Many times, a shoulder to cry on is more than enough. If I can, I want to point people to helpful resources in their time of need too. The number for the National Suicide Prevention hotline in the US is 1-800-273-8255. There is also suicidepreventionlifeline.org. They have a variety of links to helpful resources.

I ask that we, as people, support each other in times of need. We’re all in this thing together, and we can’t do it alone.

Please don’t leave. Stay and heal with us. Things can and will get better.

I love you. We got this!